It's like: this american life, unicorns & rainbows

Chapter One

By dusty (January 30, 2010)

For the purpose of this article, we are going to pretend to believe in a gentleman named Henry. Henry is pretty good at mathematics. He knows how to solve very complex problems in his head. Most guys are not quite as good at mathematics as old Henry here.

Henry smokes about a pack of cigarettes a day. Usually he buys Marlboro Lights, but he will smoke a Camel Light if need be. He gets carded every now and then. You see, Henry looks rather young. He tried to grow a beard a few months ago, but it looked somewhat patchy, so he shaved it off. He uses a Gillette Mach 3 for shaving, by the way. You might be interested to know that he actually got that Mach 3 for free in the mail on his 18th birthday. I guess the folks at Gillette thought that Henry was a grown man now and would need to be shaving regularly. Anyway, Henry likes mathematics.

One day in Math class, Henry was daydreaming as usual. I have no idea what he was daydreaming about, probably a girl he saw earlier that day. Named Judy, I’d imagine. Henry thought about Judy a lot. Well not a lot, I guess; he just saw her for the first time that day. But already, he’d thought about her a lot. Oh, I forgot to mention the weather: it was a cold day in January. For point of reference, we’ll just say that about 15 inches of snow were packed on the ground.

Henry was not aware of this, of course, but he was about to meet someone.

Comments: (3)

It's like: hysterical history, laminating animals, this american life

just a matter of time before the bomb explodes

By dusty (June 4, 2009)

Comments: (none)

It's like: hysterical history, the hunger, this american life

shooting a raccoon in the face at close range with a 12-gauge shotgun

By dusty (January 9, 2009)

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It's like: ferocious and atrocious, neanderthals and me, this american life

there is a pedophiliac hungrily staring at me as i write this

By dusty (January 5, 2009)

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It's like: neanderthals and me, this american life

last year i wrote a letter to the ambassador of poland, and he never wrote back

By dusty (January 3, 2009)

Comments: (1)

It's like: ferocious and atrocious, slow cancerous death rattle, this american life

a razorblade of kindness or a decapitated head in a greyhound bus

By dusty (August 1, 2008)

Comments: (2)

It's like: neanderthals and me, the art of seduction, what are you looking at dicknose?

A VERY CRITICAL UPDATE AND ANNOUNCMENT:

By dusty (August 1, 2008)

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It's like: hysterical history, this american life, ttylkthxbye

an online chat transcript between dr pepper and an unkown acquaintance, mid-summer 1999

By dusty (May 6, 2008)

Comments: (3)

It's like: the hunger, this american life, unicorns & rainbows

three deaf and soon-to-be-dead astronauts are circling our planet in sun-drenched silence

By dusty (May 2, 2008)

Comments: (none)

It's like: ferocious and atrocious, laminating animals, this american life

probably more than enough ice skates and food for a thanksgiving day feast and hours of family fun

By dusty (May 1, 2008)

Comments: (3)

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