It's like: feelings (ew), this american life, unicorns & rainbows

a vaccination for genetic mutation; the trials and tribulations of one man’s quest for love

By dusty (March 7, 2008)

Today I am happy. Sort of. I think.

I went to the vet to get tested for PMS this morning, which thankfully seems to have gone dormant in my blood stream. (The vet said testing my blood was the only way to check for the virus since I wasn’t crying during the appointment.) It is a confusing disease, but one that I believe I am cured of!

However, and this is hopefully only temporary, I can still feel the aftereffects in my system. These “feelings” are still inside of me — how do I make them stop? I tried doubling my daily iron intake but have not noticed any positive results so far. I cannot imagine living a life full of post-traumatic PMS flashbacks.

And thus, heed this cautionary tale and be SAFE, dear reader — Lord knows, this could happen to you, too.

Item #2: The Hunger
My hunger is rising like the boiling mercury in a Phoenician thermometer. It cannot be quelled: it is just there, pestering me with its waves of nausea and insidious annoyance. This is no metaphor, either. What I am talking about is food. My hunger is for food, not some kind of allegorical life lesson. I want to eat. I want to devour a cow. I would eat a baby. I would eat my own baby. I am hungry. So hungry, that I am going to order some food.

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